Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, 
and a smart blonde are walking 
down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

A1: The dumb blonde! because, 
there is no such thing as Santa Claus, 
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

A2: None of them. There is no such thing 
as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart 
blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed 
off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, 
and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, 
oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited 
after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

A brunette and a blonde are walking 
along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, 
"Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, 
and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been 
driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, 
it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting 
in a hot tub when the blonde said to her 
boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull 
you finger out, I'll sink?"

Two blondes observed in a parking 
lot trying to unlock the door of their 
Mercedes with a coat hanger.

Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, 
its starting to rain and the top is down!

A blonde was walking along, 
when she looked up to observe a 
bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the 
bird drops a load when it was directly 
over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I 
had my mouth open, or that would've hit 
me right in the face!!!" 

Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. 
When she got to the Pearly Gates, 
she met Saint Peter who said, 
"Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
Andy tells me..."

A government study has shown that 
blondes do have more fun - they just 
don't remember who with.

Two blondes were driving along a road by 
a wheat field when they saw a blonde 
in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. 
The driver blonde turned to her friend and 
said "You know - it's blondes like that that give 
us a bad name!" To this the other blonde 
replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out 
there and drown her."

Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil. 

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository. 

Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
A: Marry her.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath. 

Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'

Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? 
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. 

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.

Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Who were all those guys?

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.